


Dear Jim

by archea2



Series: The Reason for the Unreason [6]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-23
Updated: 2013-06-23
Packaged: 2017-12-15 22:55:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/854935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/archea2/pseuds/archea2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written to fill this prompt: "Dear Jim, The man I’ve been in love with for five years just got himself a new flatmate. Can you fix it for me that he’ll never ever depend on anyone else but me? GL"</p><p>Sheer silly crack, written before/not compliant with S2.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Jim

Dear Jim,  
   
No, the drugs bust did not scare Watson off – fact is, my Sergeant shooed us all out before he had a chance to see the goods. Not that he’d have been greatly impressed. Seriously,  _betel nuts_? Try again.  
   
GL  
   
\--------  
   
Dear Jim,  
   
What do you mean, you're keeping the bullet as a souvenir?! You can't keep the bleeding bullet! How am I supposed to arrest Johnny-gets-his-gun without evidence? And before you ask, no, I'm bloody not injecting truth serum into their dim sums. Not in a mood to listen to them blabbing about their wretched little bromance until the fortune cookie crumbles.  
   
Hope I'm paying a fixed rate for this.  
   
GL  
   
\--------  
   
Dear Jim,  
   
Yeah, yeah, congrats and all that on the Chinese job. Highjacking Watson's girlie and offering to off her with an effing great crossbow was Naughty Plan of the Year to make sure he keeps his hands off Sherlock.  
  
Remind me why I'm hiring you?  
   
GL  
   
\--------  
   
Dear Jim,  
   
Your Dastardly Domestic Device was one swell idea. Sadly, it was Watson who walked out of the flat. Can I trouble you from now on to fix my love dilemma without blowing up my love interest?  
   
No bloody thanks.  
   
GL  
   
\---------  
   
Dear Jim,  
   
I appreciate the trouble you’re going through, but. From man to man. Setting him up with  _Kenny Prince_? I mean, have you met the bloke at all? I’d sooner date my dog. Hell, I’d sooner date my sniffer dog, and that’s saying a lot.  
   
Get a move on, man! Only two pips to go, or pop goes my private little call to God the Brother.  
   
GL  
   
\---------  
   
Dear Jim,  
   
Bravo! Your Granny Gambit paid off very nicely. Watson texted me in a huff, dragging me to the George where I stood him a bitter (to keep him in the mood) while he jabbered about Sherlock’s antics du jour, including the "Jim from IT" interlude. Gave me the little punk's number, too, which he'd memorized, and asked if I could track it down for him.

Don’t think I'll bother the ID squad, though. As it is, it looks quite familiar to me.  
   
Seller's remorse, Jim? Never a good idea.  
   
GL  
   
I'll forgive and forget this once and send you back Moran. Nice wig, by the way. Nice Czech accent. Sad lack of practice with high heels.  
   
\---------  
   
Dear Jim,  
   
Sure, I'll fix it for you to get a good lawyer. Least I can do, mate - having  _three_  fine lads depend upon me is doing wonders for my ego. Never felt chirpier in my life.  
   
I'm afraid Seb is for keeps now. You see, finding out about his little hair fetish came in quite handy before I sent him back to you - your black vaseline isn't a patch on L'Oréal's silver shampoo. He's one of the gang now, he and John have taken to each other like a gun on fire. They’ve renamed John's blog "The Semtex Pistols" and tripled the readership.  
   
Sherlock sends his greetings, too. Or would if his mouth was not otherwise occupied. Quite the lip-giver, is our Sherlock. It took him some time to figure out why I'd taken a dot for him and survived, and when he did, all he said was "Always something" and "Do _that_  something with your thumb again".  
   
So we're all up and coming through your good offices, Sonny-Jim, and hoping you enjoy your new jumpsuit. Mrs Hudson says orange will pep up your water chakras like anything, but be sure to remember it clashes with turquoise.  
   
Cheers,  
GL


End file.
